Ass Goblins of Auschwitz by Cameron Pierce

By Cameron Pierce

It's Monty Python meets Nazi exploitation in a surreal nightmare as can in basic terms be imagined by way of Bizarro writer Cameron Pierce.

In a land the place black snow falls within the form of swastikas, there exists a nightmarish criminal camp referred to as Auschwitz. it truly is run via a fascist, flatulent race of extraterrestrial beings referred to as the Ass Goblins, who shuttle in apple-shaped spaceships to abduct childrens from the neighboring global of Kidland. Prisoners 999 and 1001 are conjoined dual brothers pressured to undergo the sadistic tortures of those ass-shaped monsters. to outlive, they have to consume child pores and skin and paintings all day developing bicycles and intercourse dolls out of useless youngsters.

While the Ass Goblins turn into under the influence of alcohol on cider made of fermented youngsters, the twins plot their break out. however it won't be effortless. they have to conquer bathroom toads, cockrats, ass dolls, and the surgical experiments which are slowly mutating them into goblin-child hybrids.

Forget every little thing you recognize approximately Auschwitz...you're approximately to be Shit Slaughtered.

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6. You are fabulous-ly successful and adored, but by idiots. Those you really respect aren’t returning the favor. 7. You spend years following a guru in search of egodetachment, and just when you think you’re getting close, your pet project dies, and every self-loathing iota of your ego resurfaces instantly! 8. You love your wealth and success, but live in fear of ending up in Polident ads when your star fades. 9. You no longer care what the crowds think of you, but can’t forgive yourself for screwing up your relationships with your spouses and kids.

ONE NEARLY LAST QUESTION Q: What’s the single most annoying thing I can hate about my body if I’m a woman? A: Angelina Jolie (when she remembers to eat) 56 Self-Loathing for Beginners BONUS MANTRA I am strong. I am invincible. I am lying. UNISEX CHAPTER REVIEW THREE-QUESTION SPOT QUIZ Write in as many words as you (honestly) can in each blank below: I can charm and yet profoundly disgust myself with the following cutsey-poo names* for my intimate parts ______________. Being close to somebody doesn’t mean you want them to see your _________________.

One third of the face. Chin to hairline? One tenth of the whole body. Hand from wrist to middle fingertip? Same. You get the idea. (So did Leonardo da Vinci. ) The point was, Polykleitos came up with the notion of a perfectly proportioned man—and it wasn’t him. Or you. ’” FEMALE SELF-LOATHERS BEWARE We’re coming up on some material that may temporarily impair your ability to self-loathe with jaunty insouciance. ” Then, return when you have lost interest in upbeat self-delusions. Ghastly #1: The Bust (More of Your Questions Answered) Q: Do I have to be in show business to loathe my breasts?

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